


Deep Enough to Dream [ARCHIVED]

by Rhiannon87



Series: Some Sort of Crazy [ARCHIVED] [9]
Category: Uncharted
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 09:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhiannon87/pseuds/Rhiannon87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not perfect and they're not okay, but maybe they'll get things right this time. Elena and Nate, just after leaving Yemen. Post-Uncharted 3. (Revised Oct. 18, 2012, to fix some headcanon issues.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the original version of the fic. The revised/rewritten version can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6363277).

Nate doesn't stop or even slow down between the hotel room door and the bed. He drops his bag on the floor and flops face-first into the pillows with a groan. “Why am I so tired?” he asks, voice muffled.

Elena locks the door behind her and follows him into the room. “Probably because you've spent the past two weeks going from one near-death experience to another,” she comments dryly as she sets her bag on the dresser. “You're not actually invincible.”

“Lies,” Nate declares. “Lies and slander.” He turns his head to look at her, frowning slightly. “Or is it libel? I can never remember.”

“Slander's spoken, libel's written. You were right the first time.”

“Awesome.”

She smiles faintly and sits down on the edge of the bed. She's exhausted too, both mentally and physically, and all she really wants to do is crawl into Nate's arms and stay there for the foreseeable future. But even though he's wearing his ring again, even though he's sworn to do better, they're still not all right. Not yet. They hurt each other, and Elena knows that if they try to ignore it, it'll destroy them. “We need to talk,” she says.

Nate grimaces, but doesn't argue. “Yeah,” he sighs and rolls over onto his back.

And then neither of them says a word. Elena sighs and stares at her hands. There's years of hurt and resentment and mistakes between them, but now, for all the bitter sleepless nights she spent thinking about how he broke her heart, she has no idea where to begin.

“You go first,” Nate prompts after almost a minute of silence.

She glances over at him. He's staring up at her, waiting, idly tapping his fingers against his chest where his ring used to hang. Elena sighs. She deserves an explanation, if nothing else. “Why'd you leave?”

He stops drumming his fingers and looks away. “'Cause you were right, and I didn't want to hear it.”

“Nate, don't-- I'm in the press, I know pandering when I--”

“I mean it.” Nate pushes himself up into a sitting position, wincing a bit as he leans back against the headboard. He hasn't given himself time to heal yet-- Elena's certain he's got a few cracked ribs, along with all the cuts and bruises and burns. “You were right. _Everyone_ was right. I was obsessed. I just... I felt like this--” He gestures at his chest, indicating his lost ring, “--was all I had. Like it was the only thing that made me... me.”

“Nate, you know you're more than a professional descendent.”

He snorts and shakes his head. “I wasn't even that, not really.”

“What?”

Nate's shoulders slump, and he looks away, ducking his head the way he always does when he's feeling guilty. “I should've told you this a long time ago,” he mutters. “Drake isn't my real name.”

“What?” Elena blinks and turns to face him fully. “What is your...?” Maybe not the best question to lead off with, but she hadn't really been expecting that.

“I don't remember.” Nate glances at her out of the corner of his eye and winces at her bewildered look. “When I-- okay, short version. My mother killed herself when I was about four, and before I turned five, my father surrendered me to the state. I ended up in a Catholic orphanage. Ran away when I was thirteen, met Sully about a year and a half later.” He recites the facts off quickly, like it's a list he's memorized instead of something that he lived through.

She reaches for his hand on instinct. “Nate...” He'd never talked about his life before he met Sully; given how the two of them had met, Elena had assumed that whatever his past was, it wasn't pleasant. So she'd never pushed him to talk about it. But now... well, a lot of things about him suddenly make more sense.

Nate idly picks at a seam on his jeans. “The one good thing about the orphanage was the library-- it was huge, with these big bookcases that I'd hide on top of when I wanted to be left alone.”

Elena chuckles. “So the climbing thing started early, huh?”

“Yeah.” Nate smiles briefly. He moves his hand, twining their fingers together, but still avoids her gaze. “Anyway, they had this, uh, this biography on Francis Drake that I read probably a dozen times. The map in the front looked familiar, for some reason, maybe somebody in my family had the same book or something. I don't know.” He sighs, and his next words are quiet and choked, like they're being dragged out of him. “Being part of his family seemed better'n the one I'd had, so, I just...”

Made up a story. Gave himself a family and a motto that would let him be something more than an unwanted orphan. Elena squeezes his fingers. “I'm sorry,” Nate says. “I should've told you sooner. Before I proposed anyway, you should've known that the man you were marrying was a liar.”

“Oh, Nate.” Elena slides over beside him and wraps her arms around his chest, doing her best to avoid the worst of his injuries. He still won't look at her, his gaze fixed on the corner of the room. She leans into his line of sight and catches his eyes, then puts one hand on the side of his face so he can't look away. “This doesn't change anything,” she says. “You're more than your family. You always have been.”

Nate blinks at her, then he slides his arm around her waist and pulls her closer so he can bury his face in her shoulder. Elena lets out a slow breath and closes her eyes for a long moment while they just hold each other. Eventually, Nate sighs and moves back enough to see her face. “I, uh, I guess this was all a very indirect way of answering your question,” he says. “I thought this whole thing with Drake was all I-- was all I had. And when I thought I was losing that, I just... panicked. I-- god, Elena, I'm so sorry.”

“I know.” She leans her forehead against his. “I'm sorry, too.”

He sighs and closes his eyes. “I want this to work,” he says quietly.

Elena nods slightly, rubbing her thumb against his shoulder. “Me too.”

He nods and takes a deep breath, visibly steeling himself. “I can-- I mean, I can try to do something else, you know, if--”

Elena puts two fingers against his lips to silence him. “Nate. Shut up.” He obeys, blinking at her, and she moves her hand down to cradle the side of his jaw instead. “What you do has never been a problem for me, and you know it. The problem was you completely shutting me out.”

“I don't want you to get hurt—”

“And you think it's any easier for me when you do?” Elena cuts in. Nate sighs and looks away. “I can't follow you on most of your jobs anyway,” she continues. “Just-- tell me what's going on, don't keep it all a secret. Maybe try not to take jobs that are likely to get you killed.” She swallows back the surge of fear at her own words, manages to make it sound like a joke. “We can both try our hand at avoiding death or maiming, hm?”

Nate gives her a crooked smile. “I think I can manage that.”

It's a start, anyway. Much as she wants to believe that things will be different, there's a part of her that's wondering how long they'll last this time. “We'll be all right,” Elena says, with confidence that she almost feels.

“Hope so,” Nate murmurs, then he leans in and kisses her. It's gentle and almost tentative, like he's not certain if it's allowed, so Elena slides her hand to the back of his neck and kisses him hard, with months of missing him and a week of fearing for his life behind it.

Nate's smiling and breathless when they finally part. “I missed you,” he says, then the smile fades a bit. “I'm sor--”

Elena kisses him again. “Shut up,” she mutters against his lips. “I know you are, I know, just stop talking already--” Sorry won't solve anything, not now. Now they actually have to live with each other, with all of this, and all the apologies in the world won't matter if they don't try to make it work.

Nate makes a low sound that's halfway between a groan and a growl, then pushes her down to the bed, his body pressed against hers as he kisses her. Elena can feel the warm metal of his wedding ring against her skin when he brushes his fingers against her neck, and she lets herself think that this time they'll get it right.


	2. Chapter 2

God, she's missed him.

It's been over six months since he walked out, longer than that since their marriage actually worked. Too long since they’ve really been happy together. They've got a second chance, now, though. Most people would say she's an idiot for taking him back, but, hell, if she had any sense she'd never have followed him into the jungle in the first place.

Elena presses a kiss to Nate's shoulder and turns her face against his neck. They're both still gasping and trembling in the afterglow, and she can hear his heart pounding. Nate keeps his arms wrapped tight around her, holding her close even though it's got to be painful on his injuries. He slides one hand up her back to brush her hair off her shoulder, then ducks his head to trail a line of kisses across her skin. Elena takes a deep breath, lets it out, then forces herself to sit up. Nate looks a little nervous for a few moments, until she leans in and kisses him, slow and thorough.

“I missed you,” he murmurs when they part, his fingers brushing the back of her neck.

She smiles wryly. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she says.

Nate looks away, his hands fidgeting on her skin, and sighs. “I'm sorry,” he says, for probably the hundredth time since they left Yemen. Elena closes her eyes for a moment. “I-I mean it, I did miss you...” he continues, a little desperate. “I always... I almost called you so many times...”

“Why didn't you?” It comes out harsher than she'd intended, and she winces a bit. But she needs to know-- they need to talk about this. Painful as it is, pretending like none of it ever happened will destroy them just as surely as if he'd never come back.

He leans back against the headboard, his gaze fixed somewhere to her left. “I was scared you wouldn't answer,” he says. “Or that you would, and-- and you'd tell me you hated me and you never wanted to hear from me again, which, I mean, I'd have deserved, but I just... if I didn't call, then I'd never have to know for sure.” He heaves a sigh and shakes his head. “And after a while, it was easier to just keep not calling.”

Elena nods slowly. That's probably not how the conversation would have gone, much as she hates to admit it. “If I'd asked you to come back,” she begins, halfway regretting the question as soon as she's spoken, “would you have?”

Nate looks pained, and it takes a few moments before he's able to reply. “I-I don't know,” he admits, and while it's the answer Elena was expecting that doesn't make it any easier to hear.

Some of the hurt must show on her face, because Nate tightens his arms around her and continues in a rush. “I felt like I had to see this through,” he says, one hand coming up to his chest, indicating his lost ring. “Had to be... worthy of the name.” He winces slightly as he says it, as if realizing something unpleasant. “And when I was with you, I wasn't-- I wasn't doing what I thought I was supposed to. The big scores, the danger, all of that, I... I didn't want it anymore.” He glances at her anxiously, searching her face for a few seconds before his gaze slides away again. “But if I stopped, if I wasn't being Drake's heir, then I was just...” Nate trails off. Elena can fill in the blanks, now. If he wasn't Drake's heir, then he was just a kid that nobody wanted.

She wraps her arms around his neck, shifting closer to him on instinct. There's so much more going on there, old hurts that never quite healed, so much she needs to know about him. But not tonight. They'll have time. Hopefully. “So when I told you to let it go...” she says. She thought it was just his pride, but she'd been telling him to give up what he thought was the core of his identity.

Nate just nods. “I should have told you,” he says. “I-I _know_ I should have, but... I'd been lying about it for over twenty years. It's hard to just stop.” Elena wonders how much he'd let himself believe it, after all that time. She rubs her thumb against the side of his neck; he leans into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. When he opens them again, their eyes meet-- on accident, Elena's almost sure, because he's barely been able to look directly at her this whole time. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I know I keep saying that, but I don't know what else to do, and I... god, 'lena, I'm so fucking sorry...”

“I know.” She pulls him closer, and Nate buries his face against her shoulder. “I know you are.” Elena rubs her hand down his back, trying to avoid the worst of the cuts and burns. “We'll be all right, but...”

When she doesn't continue-- doesn't let herself continue, bites her tongue on what she's thinking-- Nate leans back, searches her face. “But what?”

And now it's her turn to look away. This was always her problem, in their relationship-- she never entirely trusted Nate to stay. “This probably isn't the best time to say this,” she starts, stalling, “but if I don't say it now, I probably never will, and I need to...” She shakes her head and forces herself to meet his anxious gaze. “This is it,” she says. “I can't do this twice, Nate. If we can't make this work-- if you leave again--”

“I won't,” he says immediately, wrapping his arms around her waist, almost like proof.

Elena sighs. “I want to believe you,” she says quietly. “But I-I can't yet. I had to spend all those months not knowing where you were, if you were in prison or dead or if you'd-- if you'd found someone else...” Nate makes a faint noise of negation and tightens his hold on her. “It's gonna take some time before I can trust you again.” Before she can trust him completely, the way she never did the first time. She wants to be able to trust him. She wants to take it for granted that he'll be there, that he'll stay. But that's going to take a while.

Nate nods, his shoulders slumped, and while he looks disappointed he doesn't argue with her. Elena cups the side of his jaw, and when he glances up, startled, she leans in to kiss him. “I love you, Nate,” she says when they part, holding his gaze. “But that alone isn't gonna fix this.” Something like panic flashes through his eyes before Elena continues. “But it is enough to make me want to try.”

He huffs out a breath and gives her a half-smile, then leans his forehead against hers. “I love you, too,” he says. “You-- you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” she says, almost before she can think about it. “I do.”


End file.
